Day 11-Glow In The Woods

Day 11 – GLOW IN THE WOODS Today I want to honour the beautiful writers at Glow In The Woods, past and present. This was the first place I found on the internet where I could read about other parents experiences with grief. They were literally my light in the darkness. When we become bereaved, in the beginning, many of us look outwards for help. We set out in the darkness of night with a blanket and a lantern in search of others like us. Along the road we usually find someone or something and it is with that discovery that we can walk this road with understanding company and with that, we watch the sun begin to rise over our worlds again. Who was your glow in the woods? Share some resources that have aided you in your healing journey. It may be a website, charity, organization, a person/teacher/therapist/new friend etc. Whatever it is, share what is so wonderful about that resource and how it has helped you. Please feel welcome to share links so that others can benefit.


I have had many people that have been a glow in my life. One was a dear friend in my old neighborhood. She was one of the first people that I called after everyone in my family had been reached. I woke her up from a complete sleep and turned her whole world upside down. She started right then gathering people to come to my aide. After everything settled and people went back to living their lives she came around just when I needed it to let me talk. She even got a gym membership with me when I'm sure she would have rather done something better with her money. She would go to the gym with me and listen. We would talk and she was open enough to ask questions. It was good for me because she made me feel like she wasn't uncomfortable around me and my grief. She made me feel like I was heard and important when I felt so little and alone. She let me talk about my fears, pain, anger, and everything in between without judging me. She made me feel like my baby mattered to more than just me and my little family. I understand how hard grief can be around and for people to be uncomfortable with what to say. She never let me think that she was uncomfortable. I will forever be grateful to Heavenly Father for putting her into my life. She is my friend that was the glow I needed to guide me. 
My husband, although traveling the same journey as me has been a glow to my faith. He has been the one to help me have the faith to stop asking "why" and is helping me to just know that Corby needed to return to our Heaven Father. He is my comfort when I get so angry that I can barely contain myself. He has given me countless priesthood blessings to help calm and protect me. He is the father of my children and his love for them is a bright glow to my dim lantern. 
My father was also a glow in the darkness. He took Brock and me to different funeral homes and guided us as we were both staring blindly into the distance not really comprehending what was happening to us. He protected us from funeral homes trying to take advantage of us in our time of grief-which I am so thankful for. He was the humble guidance and love that we both needed. He was the level head that helped us plan the beautiful funeral that we had for Corby. He was the one that held me tight on his lap as I would sob the days after Corby passed. He was the one that caught me seconds after I was told that there was nothing else they could do and Corby was gone- immediately engulfing me in his arms. 

I had, during my early days of grief, and continue to have now  many other people  who are a glow in the darkness. I would spend days talking about how each of them help(ed), but I know they know who they are. Many friends from work, complete strangers, new friends, and many family members to name a few. 

One friend reached out to me who also lost a daughter on the same day as Corby- just a few years earlier. Her baby had a genetic abnormality, and didn't make it for very long after birth. She talked to me about her grief and how she made it through those first days of grief. I asked her how she dealt with the fear that her other children would have the same abnormality, and she told me about how her and her husband were contacted to be in a research study. She told me to see if there was a study out there for Brock and me to join. I called the only place that I knew that did extensive research in Utah, and that was the University of Utah. I was put into contact with their research coordinator who was compassionate and very willing to help. She didn't know of any research in Utah that related to us, but while doing some searching she found SUDC.org. I can't remember if she contacted Laura (the founder of SUDC) at first or if I did. If it weren't for her and my friend, though, I would have never found SUDC. I was so lost and felt so alone that I didn't even know where to begin to look for the right support that knew my grief and pain. I had no idea that I wasn't alone for several months. SUDC has helped me so much and has been my biggest "glow in the woods". SUDC  has research through Boston Children's Hospital and Harvard. Through that research I have been able to learn a little more about what could have happened to Corby. You can read about it here. Most of all, though, it has been the other parents that have helped me the most. I am so grateful for finding them. I would be in a different place right now if I didn't have parents on the same road as me to talk to about my grief. Some of the parents are several years a head of me on their journey and to hear their perspective on things has helped tremendously. 
I know that every one of my "glow in the woods" aren't by accident. I am grateful for each and every one of you. Thank you for always remembering my baby and letting me talk when I have needed it the most. I love you all!