Day 8 Wish List

Day 8 – WISH LIST What are your wishes for this grief journey? What do you need from others? It might be that you want your child to always be remembered. You may wish to educate others on grief and healing. Maybe your wish is to turn this tragedy into something beautiful. Spend some time thinking about what it is that you hope to be able to do, learn or gain from this experience.

I have such a long wish list as I'm sure every grieving mother does. The list probably only minutely changes because we all want our children and what is best for them.  Of course, just like every mother out there that has lost a child my biggest wish is for it to all be different. I wish that I could cuddle and give my baby kisses. I wish that it wasn't His plan to take Corby back so soon. I wish that I would have never gotten him his flu shot. Then I would know for sure it had nothing to do with his passing. I wish that Addy still had her playmate. I wish I could feel him giving me his kisses again. I wish he would come visit me. I wish that I was able to watch my baby grow up, get married and have children of his own.  I wish I were on a different path. I wish I put three kids to bed tonight. Those are all wishes that, because of reality, I know aren't feasible. 

So, now, the things I wish for are things that can really happen. I wish that my baby is NEVER forgotten. That people will always remember there is one more body to our family than what is seen. I wish that people will learn of Corby and his story and want to be better because of him. I wish that he will change the love of a father or mother towards their children so that they will love them more and not take them for granted. I wish that Corby's story will be heard all over the world to bring awareness to SUDC as well as to just get to know my perfect baby boy. I wish I knew why my son had to leave. I wish that I knew how he ultimately died. I wish that people would realize that I'm NEVER going to get over the death of my son. I will always want to think about him, and say his name, but most of all talk about him like he still matters. I wish that people would bring him up like he matters too.  I wish that people would be ok with me talking about him and not get uncomfortable. I wish that grief wasn't something to hide from and that everyone would be open and ok with it. I wish that when I talk about triggers that still make me anxious or sad that people would respond with more than just an "oh", or worse, not say anything at all. I wish that he wasn't forgotten during the holidays and that he was treated just like the rest of the children that are still here. I wish that people would just talk with me instead of feeling like they need to give me some kind of advice about my situation by what I could look at differently or be doing better. I wish that I could honor Corby in the perfect way to reflect how perfect and amazing he was. 

I will continue living each day to fulfill my feasible wishes because I still will live every day of my life for my children. Including the ones not seen or heard.