4th of July surprise

I have been so busy I haven't had a second to sit down to write this post so it's a little late. I have had so many people come up to me and the first thing they ask is if I am pregnant... No I am not pregnant.  Let's clear that up right now. The surprise isn't a surprise for you silly! It was a surprise for us.
Let me start from the beginning. I received a phone call from my dad the Tuesday before the 4th asking us if we had some free time on the 4th to let him take us to an art show in Huntsville because he heard that it was really cool. I, of course, said yes, but wanted to know more about this art show. What was it about? What kind of art was it? All he kept saying was that he heard it was pretty cool. So when I got off the phone with him Brock looked the art show up on the internet and in big bold letters it said "The 2015 Independence Day art show will not be held". I thought that was weird since my dad just said that he heard it was pretty cool. I called my mom and asked her if they knew that it was cancelled. She did her usual "Whaaaat" ( in a really high pitched voice). When she does that it means she's trying to keep something from someone. She's not a very good liar.... So I knew something was up. I didn't know exactly what, but I knew something was. The 4th came and we did our usual tradition of attending a parade and eating lunch in the park. It's always a bitter sweet day for me because I am always thinking of the 4th that Corby was with us. He wasn't really into the parade, but Brock's mom and dad got all the kids matching 4th outfits that year. Corby has two boy cousins that are 6 months younger than him so they all had the same little cute outfit on. Corby also got some "coo baby" sun glasses.

I was able to snap this picture at the parade and every 4th this is the picture that comes to mind.

So even though it's supposed to be a fun and celebratory day it's still on the hard side for me to act happy and wanting to be around people. Anyway, when we got up to Huntsville there was a big Independence Day carnival going on in the park. I was then thinking that maybe my parents just wanted to take us somewhere with just us and Huntsville was where they chose. After we got out of the car they b-lined it for one particular area. I found that odd, but didn't realize why until I saw these beautiful blue eyes staring back at me.

I immediately started to sob. I couldn't breath. It was taking everything in me to not fall to my knees and burry by head in my hands and sob uncontrollably. After I calmed down a minute the artist came over and introduced himself. He told me how much he enjoyed doing this portrait of my beautiful boy. He also talked a little bit about why he does what he does for families that have had a loved one pass on. He also talked about how with every portrait that he does he has some kind of dream about the individual. I was waiting to hear something like he saw him in a field of flowers or something along those lines, but he didn't. He talked about how he dreamed about Corby and how happy he was, and that he was sitting in a white highchair eating and spreading food all over it as happy and could be. It gave me chills because there is no way that he would have known that we had a white highchair nor how much Corby loved food. My parents told me that they never said a word to him about anything like that. I asked how they found out about him and when they started all of this. They said they found him through some friends in their ward and that they had been working with him for almost a year. They had him redo it several times because it wasn't perfect. So this has been a long process to get to this point. It makes me feel good that more people are getting to know my baby and getting to see a glimpse of how amazing he was. When he told me that I could take it home I was elated, but at the same time I wanted everyone to see my beautiful baby and to keep him on display forever.

Now that we have it home I'm still contemplating on where to put it. I'm the type or decorator that likes to ponder and take my time on where I want things and what I want. I'm not the impulse type and then later I'm patching walls like crazy because I didn't like what I did. This picture is VERY heavy so a few simple nails won't hold it. So here it sits on the floor. I caught Ledgyr sitting there staring at it one day for quite some time. I wonder what he thinks. Does he know Corby in his little self form, or does he only know him in his adult self? We have another picture hanging in the living room that I caught him staring at one day. I didn't have enough time to go get my camera and take a picture that time. I have heard stories of siblings that come after the child that has passed that know who their older sibling is and they can talk about them like they were always there. I hope that this is happening with my babies. I want all of my children to know their brother and remember him. 

I am so grateful that there are still so many that think of my baby. I'm grateful to be able to still talk about him and not have people get upset with me. There are now times when I don't cry when I talk about him, but there are still so many times that I still do. Every time I do I try to reassure the person that I'm talking to that it's ok that I cried. I feel so much better when I cry with someone than when I'm alone.