Remembering him

Now that the holidays are over I wanted to touch on the subject of remembering someone's child that has passed or any loved one for that matter. It hurts the bereaved beyond comprehension that they have to go through the holidays without their loved one. For me it's my child. I don't get to see him stuff his face with candy on Halloween. Run around with cousins and eat Thanksgiving dinner. Write letters to and visit Santa. Open present after present on Christmas morning. All of these things I will never get to see him do. His first holidays he was just months old so there wasn't much interaction with him enjoying the holidays. I was looking forward to them so much the next year because I knew he would be a such a great age to enjoy it. It hurts so very much that he's not here every other day, but even more so during the holidays when family is such a focus. As the death of my son gets further and further people are now forgetting that he existed. As his mother I still think about it every day. Just as any mother would think about her living children. I'm sure my thought process is different from the usual thoughts that run through a mother's head about her living child, but it still doesn't stop me from thinking about him. This doesn't change around the holidays either. I walk past toys and wonder if he would like that, or clothes and wonder if he would fit into that now. Wishing that I was buying those things for him for Christmas.
It hurts us in the bereaved parent club when people don't remember their child any time, but even worse around the holidays. They don't need to go out and buy extravagant gifts for the child as if they were here, but just remembering them in some way is all that the parent needs. I experienced this on both sides this year and I can attest to you how much it hurts to not have my son remembered. To help with people remembering him and doing something simple I set up his grave with a tree and two wreaths for people to put an ornament for him.

I don't bring this up to make people feel bad, but I want to make other people aware of ways to help and comfort a bereaved parent. Some simple, yet very effective ways of remembering a lost loved one that I have thought of are:

-Send them a card acknowledging that you are thinking of them and their loved one

-Buy an ornament that reminded you of their loved one and either give it to them or hang it on your own tree letting them know you did that.

-Make a donation in their name to a charity you feel best

-One that I love is very simple. Write the loved one's name down somewhere that you are vacationing or in another country, state, city etc. Even if you are just at work. It can be on a simple piece of paper or in the sand, snow, dirt etc. Send it to the parent letting them know you are thinking of them this holiday season or any time for that matter. 

- Plant a tree in honor of their loved one and decorate it the way the loved one would have liked. 

-Do something for the loved one that has passed (very simple) if you are planning on getting something for the rest of the family. (It's very easy for the family to think you forgot about the loved one that has passed when you don't acknowledge them in some way) Even if it's writing them a letter or buying something for them, but can be used by someone else in the family. 

I'm sure there are plenty more ideas and I would love to hear about them from everyone. So please share, but make sure to remember their loved ones. It will mean the world to them when you do.