Introducing our rainbow baby!

Meet Ledgyr Corbyn Cordingley. He was born October 17, 2014. Just 4 hours and 45 minutes before Corbyn's angel day. Almost one year to the day that Corbyn left this earth. It was such a bittersweet day for us. He weighed 7 pounds 10 ounces and was 20.5 inches long. He has definitely been my biggest baby! I was able to have an unmedicated natural birth that was beyond beautiful. Both Addyson's and Corbyn's births were via c-section so this experience was such a blessing. I had a feeling that Ledgyr was planning on coming closer to his brother's angel day if not on the actual day so even though his due date was the 11th I knew that he would be coming after that. I will post the full birth story in another post, though.
Ledgyr is a very good baby, just like his brother was, and I see a lot of the same personality that Corby had in Ledgyr. It's been hard for me these last couple of weeks because I look at Ledgyr and I see Corbyn in him. My mind plays tricks on me and sometimes I feel like he is Corbyn and I have gone back in time. I know that is me still trying to cope with this all, but I feel guilty for even thinking that and wishing Ledgyr away so that I could have Corbyn back. I love my little Ledgyr man so much. I just wish more than anything I could have Corbyn with me as well. I wish that I could of had both Addy and Corby jumping up on my hospital bed to meet their new little brother for the first time. I do know that Corbyn was with me the entire time I was in labor and Ledgyr confirmed it right after they put him on my chest he reached up and grabbed onto my Corby necklace. It wasn't like my necklace was right there for him to grab either- he literally had to reach up for it. I firmly believe that was Corbyn telling me that he was there delivering his little brother to us. I have been overcome with so much love for this baby it brings me to tears and causes actual pain in my heart to the point that I can't breath. I can still feel the empty hole in my heart of the shattered pieces that Corby took with him, but since Ledgyr has come I feel like my heart has gotten bigger to let in the love I have for him, but at the same time it has stretched the empty hole to be bigger. I have felt more pain because I now am heartbroken that another child of mine will grow up not knowing their brother. That I am raising another child but still am missing one. That Corbyn will not get to grow up with another of his siblings.  It feels good to have a baby in my arms again. To be able to nurse again. I missed that more than anything. Corby was still nursing when he passed so it was very hard to just suddenly stop. I love to have the opportunity to cuddle a baby against my chest again. Ledgyr is just as cuddly as Corby was and I am so grateful for that. I literally walk around with him in my arms all day long. I don't want to put him down. I feel like if I do I will miss on a moment that I need to soak in because, like I've said before, I feel like I don't know how long I will have with him. I beg Heavenly Father every day that I will get to spend an entire lifetime with him and get to watch him grow up to the handsome man I have dreamt he will become. I am so grateful that I am able to have this rainbow baby. He truly is a rainbow after a very dark storm. I know that my life is still stormy, but he is a promise that there is still life after such turmoil and tragedy.