Day 19 – MUSIC

Day 19 – MUSIC In grief we can resonate with music because it communicates the deep emotions we are feeling and cannot put into words. Sometimes there are no words that accurately describe what we are experiencing and that is why I think I find myself so often lost in sounds and melodies. Share some music that enriches your life or reminds you of your children. Is there a story behind that piece of music for you? 

Music has always been soothing to me. I love listening to almost every genera out there, but instrumental-classical type music has been the most soothing to me. The morning after Corby passed I remember pulling out my phone to turn on music to help calm me down. That day I turned on music by an artist named Hilary Weeks. It's more religious type music, but that was what I needed. I needed to have someone else tell me that my son was in Heaven. To speak to my broken soul. To help me know that my son was OK and happy. I have always believed that after death that there was Heaven, but I began to have a lot of doubts after my whole world came crashing down around me. Everything that I knew suddenly changed without any warning. Everything I had faith in had just failed me. 

Now whenever I feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack or  feel uneasy I will turn on some kind of soothing music. The majority of the time I can close my eyes and focus more on the music than what's going on with me. 

Corby also loved to dance to music whenever it would come on. His favorite, though, was the intro music to Bo On The Go. He would wave his little hand in the air and bounce up and down when ever the show would come on. I loved watching him do it and I have several videos of him dancing to it. When he first passed I didn't want Addy to turn on the show and watch it because it was too hard for me to even listen to it. Now I'm OK with it and, for the most part, it will bring happy memories of my little guy dancing to it. I tried, just the other day, to turn it on for Ledgyr and see of he reacted the same way to it. He didn't want to have anything to do with it. Now I know that it was a favorite of just Corby's and not just because it was a catchy tune that every baby would dance to. 

I miss watching him and all his little dances. He was such a silly little boy! I would like to, some day, incorporate Bo On The Go into honoring Corby somehow. I've thought about donating copies of it to a library with a little insert talking about Corby and how he love it, but I'm not quite sure exactly what to do. One day the perfect idea will come to me. For now that's just our family's little memory or our Corby.